Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My balls are so social today.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
