i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
