to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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