What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Your cock deserves a montage
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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