Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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