This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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