Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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