I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There are leaves in my underwear?
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