i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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