Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
