While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize