I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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