Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
