you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
