Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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