Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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