Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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