I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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