I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
