Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
