I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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