His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
