so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
