Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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