Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
