If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
