dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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