Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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