so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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