i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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