I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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