Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
