He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
