Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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