it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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