If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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