i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
how drunk are you?
Several
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
