True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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