Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
