literally had 100 drinks last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
