All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
