Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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