I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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