quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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