I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
