we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Come on in and take your pants off
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