how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
