Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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