She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.