I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.