wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours