well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
