Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
