We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
