Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
