he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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