No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
