She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
