just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
