Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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