You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
