I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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