So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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