My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
