so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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