Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
