I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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