i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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