Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
