So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
