I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
