I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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