he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
